was it me or did you let your mask slip?
was it by accident or did you sneak a sly dip?
what an unfortunate rarity.
at your peril
I caught a peak behind the mirrors in your eyes
and now I see the question arise…
do you remember the time before?
when you saw magic in the mundane,
so immediate, so real —
back when you did not yet learn to call it
ecstatic, erotic innocence
in the time before you learned
to wear dullness as armor.
you, feeling the world
as an exposed nerve, raging
at all the unbearable textures of life
rippling through the atmosphere; you
like a lonely earthworm
writhing, shriveling, shrieking
at the slightest touch.
but weren’t you the one
reaching out your hand, in fact
spreading your arms in wide welcome to the excruciating stillness?
and now —
where does it live inside you?
bellowing, daring, testing limits
like handstands by the water’s edge
as the storm rolls in.
the way the guttural thunder echoes
the secret rumbling
in your intestines, in your spine.
a violence resonating of home; Love
that makes itself known, a roaring familiarity
so unspeakably soothing…
unlike the piercing gentle sunlight
streaking through kind trees or
shadows dancing in the western breeze,
secrets sung through chatty leaves —
the keen, open kind of awareness that
breaks, shatters your heart
stabs your soul and drives you mad with the
ecstasy of it.
I see it now and fear it’s more than I can stand,
so I hold my gaze just a little bit longer;
in solemn prayer
to increase my tolerance for such rawness —
potential energy within —
let it be kinetic!
this is what is means
to reclaim agency through surrender;
within every scrap of the
terrifying, wild uncertainty
that is human life…
for all our yearning to Love with abandon,
how could we forget not to abandon ourselves?